The Small Moments

Follow me to my new home

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I am off to a new home.  I have been on TypePad for a year...and it is almost time to renew.  Only I didn't want to spend the money for the upgrade so I could have more control.

My solution?  Find a new home. 

I did.  And the best part?  I was able to import all of my TypePad and Blogger posts!  So now I have one blog with all of my old posts in one place.  So AWESOME!

Here is my new home:  www.thesmallmoments.wordpress.com

Would it be too much to ask...

...to only have 5-10 students in my classes?

My principal asked how things were going today after summer school was out.  I smiled and requested to only have 5 students in each of my classes this next year.  He laughed.

Oh if only it could be a reality.  I spent the last two days in teacher heaven.  I teach 3 6th graders during the first period of summer school from 8:00-10:00.  Then I teach 4 8th graders from 10:00-12:00.  It is bliss.  I don't have behavior problems.  We sit informally in a small group.  I talk to them.  I teach them.  They listen and answer questions.  We do fun lab activities.  They smile and laugh and eagerly attack the task I give them.

Teaching summer school has been the best decision I have made since I said "YES!" to Nathan.  It is fun and laid back.  There is no stress.  I teach what I want in the order that I want.  I give participation grades.  I don't grade papers because we work through them together.  This is education at its finest.

I am teaching for the first time in a long time.  I am sharing knowledge and helping them understand.  I am not spending all of my time with discipline problems.  I am not rushing from group to group trying to give basic attention.  I am not swamped with papers to grade.

Today I received several compliments.  One of my 6th graders told another teacher at summer school that I was his best teacher ever.  That is a big statement for an 11-year-old boy to make.  Another one of my 6th graders commented that I made science fun and that he was finally understanding things.  And an 8th grader asked why regular class couldn't be so much fun.  I looked at her sadly and said..."There are 4 of you in my class right now...during regular school there are almost 30." 

The kids see how rushed we are.  They feel us cramming information into them like we are stuffing the Christmas turkey.  Cramming doesn't work...not in the long run.  Sure cramming hours before a big test might help you answer 2 or 3 extra questions, but if you were given the same test a week later I bet you wouldn't still know that crammed in information.

Our educational system tries to do the extraordinary.  We teach everyone.  It doesn't matter if the child is male or female.  It doesn't matter the color of their skin or where their home land may be.  It doesn't matter what religion they practice or don't practice.  We offer services to those with metal and physical limitations.  We teach...or rather offer education to everyone.  And even better...we offer it for free.  We even go another step and offer free and/or reduced lunch to those in need.  Those are all amazing things.  And we tend to forget those things.  The media never talks about those things.

But...and there is always a but...we are lacking.  Our classrooms are packed.  They place limits of 28-32 students per teacher.  Have you have tried to teach 29 preteens?  Maybe I should rephrase that question.  Have you ever been lucky enough to be confined in the same room with 29 preteens?  I have.  29 too much?  Try 22....or 18.  Then imagine if you were asking all those kids to stand up and work at a lab table.  Give them instructions which half don't listen to and then run around like a crazed person trying to help every group while hearing students shouting for you at least 30 times a class period.  Then lets throw in grade 140 sets of papers for every assignment you give.  Don't forget special education meetings to discuss and review special ed services.  Add in tutorials and duties.  No wonder I feel tired and stressed at the end of most of my days.

If every child could be in a class of 10-12 students they would learn so much more.  Teachers wouldn't be so stressed.  Teaching and learning would be fun.  But sadly it is all just a whispered wish.  I am glad that I took the summer school job.  I did it for the excellent pay...but I am finding that the reward is so much more than money.  I am teaching.  The kids are excited and happy about learning.  This is what I love.

Mid-afternoon Sleepiness

It is 2:00pm.

I am so tired I could fall asleep sitting up.

I hate that feeling.

An Amazing Dinner

Yesterday Nathan and I sat down to meal plan for the week and write out a grocery list.  Good nutrition goes along with working out and we are determined to make this work.  So Nathan poured through my Cooking Light magazines while I dried and flat ironed my hair.  This is what he picked.

Grilled Salmon with Apricot-Mustard Glaze
Time: 39 minutes

Salmon:
4  (6-oz) salmon fillets (about 1 inch thick)
1 1/2 tsps minced garlic
1/2 tsp kosher salt (couldn't find this anywhere so I used regular salt)
1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper (yeah...I used regular black pepper)

Glaze:
1/4 cup apricot nectar
1/4 cup apricot preserves
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
1 1/2 tsps white wine vinegar
1 1/2 tsps honey
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper

1.  Prepare grill.
2. To prepare fish, sprinkle fillets evenly with garlic, salt, and pepper.  Cover and refrigerate 15 minutes.
3.  To prepare glaze, combine nectar and next 6 ingredients in a small saucepan; bring to a boil.  Reduce heat, and simmer until reduced to 1/4 cup (about 10 minutes).  Remove from heat; set aside.
5.  Place fillets, skin side up, on a grill rack coated with cooking spray.  Cook 2 minutes; carefully turn over, and grill 4 minutes or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork or until desired degree of doneness.  Brush each fillet with 1 tablespoon glaze; frill 30 seconds.

With the wonderful salmon we had Parmesan-spinach orzo pilaf and pineapple chunks.

It was amazing!  And I actually cooked fish that hadn't been frozen first...and it still had its skin on one side!  It made enough for leftovers tonight.  The best part is that it was easy enough and quick enough to cook on a school night.  We just used the George Foreman grill instead of the big grill outside.

I love good food.

My Journey

I have decided to use one of the many wonderful features of TypePad.  I have created a second blog that will be dedicated to my Journey.  Most of the new blog will be boring stuff like my daily workouts and my results and nutrition and such.  If you care to read along you can check it out...I plan to post every day.  (Notice the word plan).

Of course all major events will also be recorded here for all to read.

Mainly I want a record of my journey for myself.  But I know that many of my friends are supportive of my journey and will wish to know some of the details.

The link to the sub-blog, as I am calling it, is on the left side bar.

Fitness Evaluation

This afternoon was my fitness evaluation.  It was good and bad.

Of course I have a long way to go with my fitness level.  I knew that going in.  But there were a few happy surprises along the way.

I was weighed 2 pounds less than I thought...success already!  :)

I was able to do 11 full sit ups.  AMAZING!!!  Full sit ups...not crunches.

I was able to do 17 push ups.  I was surprised I could even do 10...

But the most amazing part is that I did 100 seated squats.  100!  He said no one ever gets to 100 on their first evaluation.  I did.  Obviously my lower body is one of my strengths.  But my lower body has always been strong...just covered in a layer of fat.

But those 100 squats came at a price.  I over heated and nearly passed out at the gym.  It took me at least 20 minutes to recover enough to leave the gym.  So now I am suffering the consequences of pushing too hard so soon.  I haven't had heat exhaustion in several years.  I forgot how horrible it is.  So I am re-hydrating and taking it easy for the rest of tonight.

Overall I feel good about my fitness evaluation.  I have a long way to go...but at least I have a starting point!  :)

Acceptance

Denial is a powerful thing.  It is easy to deny things and continue through life happy in your denial.  But then one day your happy little world of denial slams head on into a large brick wall.  It is here when you face the truth.  But denial doesn't end until you actually accept the truth.  Sometimes you can just pick up those pieces and go around the brick wall and continue down the street of denial.  But sometimes there is no way around the brick wall.  Some people call it rock bottom.  Others call it a turning point.  It is at this point when you must accept the facts and find a change or forever be stuck behind the wall.

My entire life I have struggled with my weight.  As a child I was active.  We played out side.  We rode our bikes and scooters.  We swam.  We were healthy, in shape little people.  But even then I was never the skinniest person in my class.  I always felt a little chunky or plump or whatever word you wish to use.  Then in 4th grade my mom and grandmother sat me down to have the "talk"....the one where they told me I would have to start wearing a bra.  A BRA!!!  In 4th grade.  I was THE ONLY 4th grader who had to wear a bra.  In 5th grade I had friends that wore them because it was fun, not because they needed to.  In 4th grade I could still hide under sweat shirts and not wear a bra....no such luck by 5th grade.  It only progressed from there.

My weight has fluctuated throughout my 29 years of life.  I have been a member of various gyms.  I have tried various programs and diets.  But I was never committed to the life change those things required.  But over the last 5 years my weight has steadily increased.  First it was a depression issue and I sought comfort with food.  Then it was a medication issue that treated the depression.  Now...it is flat out a lazy issue.  For the last 2 years I have been coming closer and closer to the big brick wall.  (The one that requires me to change something because there is no way around that wall.)

I currently weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life.  I avoid mirrors.  I won't look at photographs with me in it.  I am embarrassed and ashamed of where I am.  I don't like to discuss it.  I don't like to think about it.  And overall I have lived in denial.

My collision with the big brick wall has been slow and torturous.  It has been progressive.  And finally I accepted the truth one night.  I probably scared my poor husband out of his mind.  I rolled over in bed and said, "Nathan...I am not happy and I need to talk about it."  I am sure his heart stopped at that moment.  I quickly realized how bad that sounded and moved forward with my problem.  I complain to him regularly about being fat.  He is a loving and good husband and says that I am not.  And honestly, my husband loves me for me and I don't think he even pays attention to other things.  But I sadly pointed out that it is summer in Texas and they are working on our neighborhood pool.  And he will want to go and there is no way that I would ever put on a bathing suit at this point and go to the pool with him.  That kills me to miss out on summer and spending time having fun with my husband. 

But there is an even larger motivator right now.  Children.  We aren't pregnant yet, but we hope to be by the end of the year.  I want to have natural child birth at a birth center.  At this point I am in no shape to give birth naturally to a baby.  My abdominal and lower back muscles are so weak it would take forever to push out a baby naturally.  And my flexibility has slowly decreased over the last 5 years.  My left hip flexor always cramps when I try to stretch it.  That isn't the biggest part of my motivation though.  The thing that is motivating me more than anything else is the fear of having children who grow up to be out of shape and overweight.

I NEVER want my child to experience the pain and frustration of being overweight.  I don't want them to have eating disorders, whether it is overeating or anorexia.  I want good choices to be a natural part of their lives.  But to make good choices, those choices have to be modeled.

I have worked diligently to improve my mental and emotional self over the last 10 years.  I have one more piece of the puzzle to make it complete. Now it is time to focus on my physical self.  I am beyond ready.

Tuesday we joined LA Fitness.  Yes, I know...another gym.  But like I said. I am ready.  This time is different.  Today we met with trainers for our complementary consultation.  For the first time I had a trainer explain to me why the way I was doing things had never worked in the past.  It was all scientifically sound and suddenly I realized how I had been setting myself up for failure all those other times.  I would work out for awhile and see changes.  The I would hit a plateau and could not keep getting changes and I would get frustrated and quit.  He showed me numbers...time frames...and for the first time in my life offered me a real plan and solution.  I start tomorrow with a trainer.

To pay for a trainer Nathan said I had to give up my Cherry Red Washer and Dryer.  He was going to get them for me in August for my 30th birthday.  I readily agreed.  He knew I was serious at that point.  I will gladly put off getting my washer and dryer to reach my goal.  Then there was my body fat percentage.  While I am ready to share my struggle with my blog friends, I am not ready to share that number with you yet.  Needless to say Nathan was shocked.  I wasn't.  He told me he honestly didn't expect that and was very worried to say the least.

I have my support in place.  Nathan and a trainer.  And I know that many of you that read my blog will support me as well.  That is part of the reason why I am sharing this very private and emotional journey. I will be sharing my journey over the next months, the good and the bad. 

I feel good.  I feel a high that I haven't felt before.  I feel like I am finally taking control of this last part of my life where I have constantly failed.  If I gave up my blog and the Internet for a week...surely I can make this commitment. I refuse to remain stuck behind my big brick wall for the rest of my life.  Tomorrow I pull out my hammer and begin to chip away at that wall.  One day the wall will be gone and I will be free.

Last day of school

June 1st.  Last day of school.

This year has zoomed by.  I have really enjoyed my kids this year.  And as I will be moving to the 8th grade with them I will get to enjoy many of them next year as well.

I am ready for summer.  Of course I will be teaching summer school.  That starts week after next and lasts until the end of June.  But it isn't the same as regular school.  It only lasts for 4 hours a day.  And it is only 4 days a week.  Too bad regular school can't follow those hours!